losing ppl
It’s a hard thing, to lose a friend. Like a sudden kick in the gut, you just want to throw up and then lie there for a while and let the pain subside. You don’t want to cry about it, and definatley not let others see you crying about it, though it is something worth shedding a tear over. The people who don’t know will ask what’s wrong and try and be sympathetic while the people who do know, well, they know. I hate the looks of pity and sympathy, especially when they come up and say how they know how it feels… What are you talking about? Just by standing there and saying you know something you are proving your ignorance! Oh, you knew him too, like what you knew of him was what I knew of him, just like everyone who knew him knew the sames things of him. What, did he have a single facet, purely one dimension that all who met him knew him through that facet? Hell no! He was like a jewel so well cut that you could examine him through an electron microscope and still find facets within facets. And not everyone saw the same facets, the same face. What I saw was colored even by my own facets, although I believe he had far more then I ever shall. My facets combined with the ones he showed me gave me a view of him that no one else had or ever will have. It was a sight that would only come out when we were together. Something others could only see when the reflected light between ourselves would create a singular view of two people. So not only did we lose him, but every single singular view of people he created when he was around. We lost every aspect of those people when he was called home. We’ll never see those dancing lights playing between the secret facets revealed by a close friend. Not only have we lost a friend, but we’ve lost part of ourselves. Those parts only revealed by him. They will never be seen again.
That’s whats so great about friends. We never really shine until there are those people around us to show us for who we really are. And the more people around, the more we will be shown. We introduce our friends to other friends, and as our circle grows, the more we learn and can learn about our friends and they can learn about us. I desire to see and know those close to me even better, revealed in ever changing situations among other people. And I desire to be known the same way. I keep many of my facets hidden, for many reasons, but when a certain person comes along they can’t but help reveal those things. Sometimes that can be painful, sometimes old scars show up that have been hidden for too long, but the end result is always a more highly faceted jewel. The light will always reflect and refract more brilliantly. I hide facets for fear that the things I have done have forever darkened them, that if light is shown through them, it will dim the rest of the jewel not yet darkened. My impurities will cause me to be worth less then those who have fewer impurities. They’re like purfect diamonds, how they glow when the light shines through them! Sometimes it hurts my eyes just to look. Then I feel ashamed and depressed because I know the light shining through me is colored. Many times I fail to realize that God created more then just diamonds, but rubies and sapphires, emeralds and amythists and topaz. Who knows, maybe God is making me into one of those. Silly boy that I am, always forgetting what I look like once I step away from the mirror. It always seems that if I can hide those things which make me ashamed of myself, I will appear more lustrious, because those ugly facets are hidden… Have you ever seen a diamond half in the light, half in the dark? You can never really look too close because the shadows and the light rays don’t mix and it creates a chaotic appearance. Smiles and a twinkling eye one second, scowls and anger the next. It’s bewildering. Who wants to get near that? Then comes along one of those brilliant diamonds the bathes everything in light and you are seen as who you are, though maybe for an instant, a fraction of a second, but in that moment someone might see you and realize something and want to know you, even the parts you try to hide.
But now that person is gone, and a heaviness pervades the waking moments of those once illuminated by his presence. Though we know we will see him again, we know not when. We know he is in a better place and are happy for him. But we also know that the place he left is that much less bright, that much less happy for his passing. Though we will remember his smile and his laugh, memories are sad things compared to his actual presence. And so I miss him, miss him because of the joy he brought to my heart, the laughter he brought to my lips and the light he brought to my life. He was a pearl and I a swine, but still a swine that aspires to pearl-hood. A diamond and a lump of coal, both of the same substance but one of much greater value.
It always hits me hard when someone I know passes on. I miss them and I miss those whom they would have illuminated to my darkened eyes. I miss those parts of the friends we both knew when their light revealed those parts that only they could reveal. And I miss those parts of me that their light revealed to others. No will will ever know me like they knew me, and I miss them.
when my good friend passed away last year it was like being put in a box and thrown into a closet. it is still painful and when i think of him i miss him very much, he was an amazing friend and he did show me in another light! the only thing that i can do is try and be that other light to my other friends, be that friend that he was to me, to my other friends! Because if we can’t be that for others, no matter how multi-colored we think we are, we could be that diamond for others! i still can’t believe that my friend has gone and i don’t think it will be real until i am there in Cochabamba, seeing my other friends and remembering our good friend who went before us.
may all our friends who have left us for a better place influence us in our everyday life!
Okay. That made me cry.
My cousin passed away last year. He was more like a little brother to me. There are still days when I’ll hear a song on the radio, play a video game, or see a movie and think of calling him to tell him about it…only to realize there is no him to call. I didn’t really realize how many things we shared between the two of us until after he passed.
We visit my aunt a lot. She never fails to tell me how much my son reminds her of him. I know it’s true. I see it too and I see it in her reaction to my son as well. She’s always very happy to see us, but it’s sometimes hard to tell if the twinkle in her eye is happiness or a tear waiting to fall.