uruloki’s lair

Superchic(k) Stand In The Rain

She never slows down
She doesn’t know why but she knows that
When she’s all alone it feels like its all coming down

She won’t turn around
The shadows are long and she fears
If she cries that first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
So stand in the rain

She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She’s running from
Wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
So stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
So stand in the rain

***************
But sometimes you don’t drown only b/c you aren’t allowed too.

Tags: Life by Jayd
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So, some people tell me that this is the only way that can find out what is going on with me. Well, i haven’t been posting much, so they are worried I am dead!

Fear not! I am yet living. :-\ Not much is going on truth to tell. I’m learning a little bit about how to have a “private life.” I don’t live with mom and dad anymore so my life doesn’t isn’t being scrutinized 24/7 by parishioners’ or supporters back home. Adjusting to this idea isn’t as easy as you would think. I’m an extraverted introvert. I prefer to be left alone, however b/c of the situation in which I found myself at a young age, introversion wasn’t really an option. LilBro got away with it, I don’t know how. Maybe it was b/c I was the first daughter, maybe it was b/c I was pretty, no sé.
My n00by years in WoW didn’t really teach me my lesson either, sad to say. Or maybe I just wanted to share my life? Finally I learned a few things though.

I’m not responsible for other people’s actions. They are. If I do something wrong, then I apologize, but after that, it’s up to them to deal with it as they will. By all means if there is something I can to do help I’m there for it!

No one has to know where I am 24/7. I’m a big girl, if I want to take off for the weekend, I can do that! If someone asks where the heck I am, then I can tell them, but I don’t have to leave an AIM(link) away message up telling ppl where I am and how to get in touch with me. Chances are, if I want them to get in touch with me, they will proly already have my number.
~Obviously that’s kinda diff now, dating Dis. Kinda, but not really. It’s considerate to tell him where I am going, but until I see rings it’s not really a necessity. heh

Some people are so empty inside they are hell-bent on destroying themselves. I used to be too, don’t get me wrong! I’m can’t judge someone for taking up smoking b/c they need something to fill their time (yes that was the excuse), if they want to destroy themselves, that’s really their prerogative. They won’t change unless they want to, and if they want to refuse to do what they know is right, well, more power to them. You can’t badger someone into a real relationship they don’t want.
~ But, seriously, if they are gonna reneg on every promise they make you, you really don’t have to stick around.

Tags: Life by Jayd
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Someone once told me “you can’t just turn off feelings.” Now, at the time I was really trying very hard to be sensitive and nice about the whole ordeal, so I didn’t have the heart to tell them that; Yes, I can turn it off.

I suppose you could change feelings gradually from like to dislike, adoration to annoyance, etc. Subtle changes, or even 180; love to hate (or vice versa). Sometimes it takes a long time to change feelings, sometimes not so much, like when you find out your BF is having adult relations with random chick X. You could try to change them I suppose, attempt to sabotage your relationship, self-fulfilling prophecies work well here, lie to yourself…

Instead of going the long way, I just turn it off. Mind you, I don’t always do it. There was a time when I couldn’t do anything about it, those were very dark days for me. Obviously after that I had to do something, so I adapted. I learned to turn it off. 10-speed; prime example. He broke up with me; I was good by the weekend. (Which was good, b/c I was visiting a friend…)

Now, having the ability to just shut off, doesn’t mean I can’t or don’t feel very deeply. I think we all know I can, and do. It just means I don’t let my feelings, run away with me. I’m not subject to them anymore. Hehe, maybe that is why everyone thinks I should be an actress…

I do like closure though. :-\ It’s not always possible, but if there is a chance I can get it, I will go for it. I had moved on long before I finally got closure with Mudbug. hehe It was sweet to get it in the end though and I really appreciate being able to discuss things with him.

So, the point of this? If it doesn’t sound like I’m feeling anything, I’m probably not. You don’t need to worry about me. I love you because you do, but sometimes it’s just better if I don’t feel. D
Don’t let anyone tell you how you feel, or how you should feel. Your feelings are yours, and you can decide what to do with them, it’s none of their business.

Sometimes growing up feels like being a snake. When you learn enough in one area you grow out of who you used to be. It’s not easy to ignore people’s perceptions of you and do your own thing… or is it?

Speed above all else. Mobility above all else. Utter ruthlessness.

Tags: Life by Jayd
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