Thoughts on Singlehood I
So, for Spring Break I spent a week on the road all by myself. It sucked. I hated it. 56 hours alone in my car. Hopefully I learned my lesson though, if it’s not the last time I let some male walk all over me, I deserve whatever misery I end up going though.
NEway, I had a lot of time to think, and sing of course… my poor throat. 
I got some new tunes and had a bit of fun matching some songs to ppl. 
And while my vocal cords rested every once in a while I would think about my pathetic desperation for a man and whatnot.
I don’t think I will re-iterate War Maiden’s thoughts on that at the moment. Instead I decided to make a list of neat reasons why it is awesome to be single. 
The first think I thought of was: You can completely disappear for a good 2 days and no one notices. It’s awesome! It’s like in the movies when everyone around the main character freezes and they go off and do something fun then go right back to their spot as though nothing happened, everything is the same except for the secret smile on their face… sigh
Secondly, you don’t have to plan anything around anyone else’s schedule. Well, ok, I plan most things around raiding, but I can always skip, I’m just a member. This was Onty’s first thought when I asked him what perks we have being single.
Dude, you get to dress up for… yourself. Whenever you darn well feel like it, or don’t!
It is awesome not to be a ‘drain’ on someone else’s resources. You have no idea how un-cool it is to hear about how much they spent on you b/c thy felt they ‘had’ to… It’s a billion times more appreciated and attractive when they spend money on you b/c they want to. And for crying out loud, they don’t have to SPEND money on me! I much prefer TIME, and back rubs. Mmmmm back rubs…
Did you know that when you are single more ppl are allowed to spoil you.
Zomgosh… no bf = no WoW aggro!! Woot-ness.
You can sleep with whomever you like, whenever you like!
You can’t imagine how nice it is, not to feel like you ‘have’ to put up your daily schedule so everyone knows where you are every minute of the day. These days I sometimes don’t even get on aim(link)! Hehehe, when I do Onty likes to poke me to make sure I am not dead. How I do adore him.
You are really only responsible for yourself & you only answer to God and yourself. If you F it up, it’s your fault, you can’t blame anyone else.
You get to meet all the WoW ppl you want. to date: Jhaelyn, Mudir, Trinny & Xano!, Rannon, Rhyllos, and Cruz. Planing: the rest of Silence at Blizzcon!
When the boys get irrationally jealous, you don’t’ feel guilty b/c they have no right to. I talked it over with Lil’Bro, and he agrees if I give fair warning and they don’t’ go away, I’m good to go.
Another thing I thought of was: No one is going to go nuts on you when you sleep in Rest Areas in the middle of the night. I was talking to my roomie the other night as we were coming back from the airport. Her thought on it was: “Wow that is showing a lot of independence.� That made me feel pretty good.
You can flirt with whomever you like (as long as they are single, don’t be a jerk!). Hell yes! Although, one would think that if I flirt with everyone exactly the same, in front of everyone else, no one would get ideas? LilBro says it’s coo. I did think of the slogan: “Naye says I should flirt more, but if you flirt back Seton will break your kneecaps�
You don’t get sad or annoyed that your bf doesn’t go to church with you or share your relationship with Christ. That’s a biggie, drove me bonkers when Marcos couldn’t share the most important part of my life. Meh, even Speedy was a trial on this one… Yes, Non-denominational is a denomination and they have their own traditions and ways that they do things! shock and horror C’mon, think about it.
You don’t get hit. Well, ok, maybe you do, but when you aren’t dating the guys you feel much better about beating the crap out of him right back.
You don’t (usually) get in really stupid fights. Like one I overheard the other day about how the gf had other guys phone numbers in her phone… What? Did you think there was no one before you stupid? You think she’s going to drop all her friends so you won’t be an insecure baby? Hex no. You don’t want to see guys names on my phone? Don’t look at it.
NO POWER STUGGLE! I don’t have to try to put the pants on my bf! Or sit there dissatisfied with his apparent lack of manhood. It’s so frustrating not being able to be the woman in a relationship. Guys need backbones, and pants, and thy need them before I look in their direction.
Oh yeah, and random play. Nuff said.
All said and done, I’m not sure I feel desperate, despite what ppl may think. Considering the 23 open marriage proposals, 2 date me requests, and the 1 run away with me (to Italy in September! My b-day!)… I think I am a chooser, not a beggar at this point.
IMO (The World According to Naye you know
), 20’s are all about figuring out yourself and your own likes and dislikes. You can’t know what you want in a person until you A) Know what kind of person you are and are comfortable being you and B) Have had a chance to experience different things to know what you like and dislike. It’s amazing how there are things you’d never even think about that become important…and the opposite – things you’d never think you could overlook, but really can because it turns out they’re not as big a deal as you thought.
Now, for my counterpoint – I’m 35 and in September (the best month for birthdays) I’ll be 36. The reality of my situation has really started to sink in. I will be single forever. While I’m trying to make the best of it, I don’t like that thought. For the longest time after my divorce, I was thrilled to be single for some of the same reasons you name; however, I’m now starting to realize the things I’m missing – the nightly recaps of the day’s events, having someone to help share the normal day to day stress, and just the physicality of a relationship to name a few. One big sticking point for me is that a person draws support from their family. When children grow up and move away, couples still have the support of each other. At that time, I will be completely on my own and that thought is not a happy one for me.
A side note – I believe that despite women’s lib and all that nonsense, women are still raised with some kind of inset belief that they need a relationship. Part of that is the basic human need for acceptance, but part of it is that we view relationships at least as high and maybe higher than our occupation when figuring out how successful we are. Considering my job at the moment and my failed relationship, I’m completely unqualified to speak on this subject…so I’ll hush now. =)
Are tryin gto talk me into wanting a real relationship? boggle You and uru need to touch base Naye and figure out your united stance on this.
He says i’m desperate for a man, so yeah…
I have lots of ppl to recap my day with every night. They’re sweethearts all of them. As for phisicality, well, i’ve lived without sex for 23 years, so random play is fine with me for now.
And as long as i get back rubs and hugs i’m A-OK. 
I may be 23, but I know myself, and I know what I want. I don’t see anything resembling what I want here close to me, so I’m just going to do my thing until he’s ready to show up.
Actually, Uruloki and I agree on this. Read my first paragraph again.
Waiting is exactly what I think you should do! While you know what you want right now, I assure you that is subject to a lot of change. I think mainly because 20’s is when people are first completely on their own. As their experiences grow, they adapt and change with them; therefore what they want also changes.
Using myself as an example, I didn’t want children. At all. Ever. Can you imagine me without children? Not to say I didn’t like children. I just had no use for them. I was a complete work-a-holic with 50 bazillion things on my to do list – none of which involved children.
No relationship for you until you’re 35!!!!!!! Then we’ll talk about if you can date. looks at Uruloki for backup on this one
relationship. meh.
a random date one day, a week/end with someone, none of them are relationships and they are so much more fun, like i said, random play is very nice.
i’m not holding out for some magic age to get myself a relationship, and I don’t think Uru can agree totally with you since he married at my age. You can’t put an age on readiness. He knew what he wanted, he did it and it worked out super nice for him. I’ve been on my own for 5 years (oh wow hadn’t realized that one :)), i know myself, and i know what i want, i won’t chenge my mind on a few core issues which is all that matters. I don’t think you give ppl an allowance to hold true to some conviction when you say what i want is subject to change. Mr. Man will either fit the picture or bend to fit it without my prodding. There’re issues on which i can make compromises and issues that I won’t. That’s how I am.
I dont feel like you give me credit for actually knowing what I want. How would you know? Even though we are a lot alike, you are not me. I have a few friends who know exactly who i am and what I want, they would completely dissagree with some of the things it seems you think about me.
I feel like you don’t have any faith that ppl can learn and grow at a rate different from yours.
not everyone will be ready to marry at 22, or 33, or even 42. People are ready when they are ready regardless of age.
I’m not holding out for age. I’m holding out for what God plans for me. I’m not in control, He is. So, until he binds me, I’m going to enjoy my singledom.
With Uru’s blessing.
The question isn’t, am I ready? It’s am I willing?
I got married at 19 and if he had stayed on his meds, I would still be married. When I said I do, I meant it and I honestly think I will never ever marry again because 1) I don’t believe in divorce and 2) I could not handle another failed marriage. Both of my sisters were married young (18 & 22) and are still married. The oldest celebrated 21 years this year. If I was putting you on my time table, you should have been married already.
I was actually agreeing with your post and saying the opposite is true for me. I feel like I’ve missed out on any opportunity I might have had through the choices I have made. Maybe I said it badly, but I didn’t mean to offend you and I wasn’t trying to argue. Sorry if it came across that way. I’ll be more careful in the future.
ah ha! And then the confusion was lifted. I was more confused than offended Nayenaye. I couldn’t figure out what you were trying to say at first. I appreciate your keeping at it until i understood it. This has proven to be an excellent mental exercise and discussion with one of my co-workers.
I’m terribly sorry I misunderstood your first post. I clearly was not thinking outside the box this morning.
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try words sillyhead.
I was at work, on my lunch hour and looking for something to do. I picked up a copy of O magazine that was sitting on the table. O is Oprah’s magazine and I can’t say that I typically read it, but I’ll read anything when I have an hour to kill and nothing to do. I flip it open and landed on a page with a pic of Phylicia Rashad and read the text box across from the picture. It was a letter she’d written to her younger self:
“Dear Phylicia,
Romantic involvement distracts you and can blind you to what’s really in front of you. And what is really in front of you? You are. You don’t even know yourself yet. You think you know and you want to assert that you do, now that you’re a certain age, but you don’t. What’s in front of you is a whole world of experiences beyond your imagination. Put yourself, and your growth and development first. There are long-term repercussions to what you’re doing now. Everything you do, every thought you have, every word you say creates a memory that you will hold in your body. It’s imprinted on you and affects you in subtle ways-ways you are not always aware of. With that in mind, be very conscious and selective. With high hopes for you, Phylicia.”
I’m not posting this as an argument or trying to imply anything. I just wanted to share an “OH WOW! I was just talking about this!” moment. I love those moments. They make me believe that everything in life is linked by a force you can’t see. Of course it could just be coincidence and the seed planted by whatever it was you were thinking about still being in your subconscious, but I prefer to think it’s more. =)